To change that defensive response of yours, you first have to understand the essence of communication.Communication can be divided into two parts:
- Stimulus: You have very little control over the stimulus component, which often includes criticism, ridicule, judgement and invalidation of yourself
- Response: What you can change, is your response. It is especially programmed past responses that can, and most often have to be hanged to enhance your communication and effectiveness in dealing with customers and colleagues.
See criticism as a learning experience. Disassociate from the criticism. Obtain information to solve the problem by asking open ended questions like:
- What would you change?
- How can I improve?
- Who is involved?
- When should the task be completed?
- Where can I find the information?
Questioning assists you to go from a problem state to a solution state.
If is a very powerful word as it can move something from a problem state to a solution state since it helps to design the future.
Effective questioning
Develops a bridge
| Problem state | Solution state |
| When one goes into the problem state the following happens:One feels stuck
The negative situation repeats itself One blames others |
When one goes into the problem state the following happens:What is to be done about the challenge?
How could this problem be managed better in the future? Think of solutions around If |
The only thing that will get you out of the problem state is by choosing to deal effectively with stimuli through appropriate responses.You’ll be amazed at what it will do for your interaction with customers and colleagues…add effective listening to this and you’ll become far more effective.
Use this process when considering a midlife career change, it will help you get maximum feedback from those around you to help you get 100% clear on your career change.
