Negative Experiences

Taking charge of your reactions and behaviors using NLP
Chapter 5
p.4
What is meant by “Playing the Glad Game”? Pretending to be happy when I’m not ? And what does it have to do with business’?
Nowadays we hear a lot about Neurolinguistic Programming, or NLP. NLP is a way of taking control of your mental state and taking charge of your reactions and behavior.
Mike Matulovich coined the concept “The Glad Game” which in essence is about finding something positive in all negative experiences; in other words, playing a positive mind game through which you direct the way you react to external stimuli which you receive from situations or interactions.
There are many aspects to The Glad Game. Let’s focus on one of them: All external events pass through your individual mental filters, which consist of aspects such as beliefs, values, memories, your experience of time, space, energy, etc. They in turn determine how you interpret those events. It is important to realize that these filters can cause you to distort, generalize or even delete external stimuli.
Playing the Glad Game implies deliberately changing negative filters.
For example, if you make a mistake, convert it from a negative internal attitude of “I am stupid” to a positive attitude of “This is a good learning experience”.
So that’s where the “Glad” comes in, instead of a negative picture about myself I deliberately frame it in a positive state of mind leading to a positive way of dealing with a mistake..
The process of receiving and processing information:
1. An external event happens
2. Internal filters interpret the event
My experience of Time / Space / Matter and energy forms my internal meta programs determine which filter to use.
Meta programs include:
Value
Beliefs
Memories
Decisions
Language
Attitudes
These meta programs switches on the filter which fits with ones personal perception. This internal filter determines what should happen with the event, generally one of three things:
Delete filter – Deletes appropriate or inappropriate
Generalize filter
The brain runs programs to switch on a light. It can run inappropriate programs for example a phobia against spiders.
Distortion filter – Punish self “I am stupid”
3. An internal representation is formed
Consciously turn the event into a positive event or as a learning experience.
4. Your own emotional reaction to the event takes shape
Consciously shaping an event into the positive adds to ones positive state of mind.
5. Physiology and behavior is determined by your emotional reaction
Based on a positive relation to which filters are switched on ones physiology and behavior will automatically follow the positive state of emotion.
6. Language as medium of expression
Expression, verbal or otherwise, can now not help but be genuinely positive and constructive.
The above explanations makes it obvious how the Glad Game relates to the workplace.
A manager criticizes your work – his criticism filters through your internal representation (how you picture yourself). If you have a negative attitude your state of mind becomes negative, affecting your behavior, for example you withdraw. This adds to a further negative state of mind which affects the type of language you use, for example denial or blame.
If you play the Glad Game your positive image gives you a positive state of mind which in turn has a positive affect on your behavior and language. If customers give you negative feedback, you need to be able to thank them for the feedback and ask further questions to ensure that you can address the customer’s needs.
This is true Elephant behavior.

Taking charge of your reactions and behaviors using the GLAD GAME and NLP techniques.

Chapter 5 p.4

w&t_question

I Ask

What is meant by “Playing the Glad Game”? Pretending to be happy when I’m not ? And what does it have to do with business?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Nowadays we hear a lot about Neurolinguistic Programming, or NLP. NLP is a way of taking control of your mental state and taking charge of your reactions and behavior.

Mike Matulovich introduced us to the concept “The Glad Game” which in essence is about finding something positive in all negative experiences; in other words, playing a positive mind game through which you direct the way you react to external stimuli which you receive from situations or interactions.

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

There are many aspects to the Glad Game. Let’s focus on one of them: all external events pass through your individual mental filters, which consist of aspects such as beliefs, values, memories, your experience of time, space, energy, etc. They in turn determine how you interpret those events. It is important to realize that these filters can cause you to distort, generalize or even delete external stimuli.

Playing the Glad Game implies deliberately changing negative filters.

For example, if you make a mistake, convert it from a negative internal attitude of “I am stupid” to a positive attitude of “This is a good learning experience”.

From the wikipedia: Glad Clubs” appear to have been popular for a while; however, it is questionable if they were ever more than a publicity gimmick. The Glad Clubs may have been simply a means to popularise the use of The Glad Game as a method for coping with the vicissitudes of life—loss, disappointment, and distress.[citation needed] Nevertheless, at least one “glad club” exists today, in Denver, Colorado.[3]

There is even a song that says not all of us want to PLAY THE GLAD GAME all the time- it is fun!

w&t_question

I Ask

So that’s where the “Glad” comes in, instead of a negative picture about myself I deliberately frame it in a positive state of mind leading to a positive way of dealing with a mistake..

The process of receiving and processing information:

1. An external event happens

2. Internal filters interpret the event

My experience of Time / Space / Matter and energy forms my internal meta programs determine which filter to use.

Meta programs include:

  • Value
  • Beliefs
  • Memories
  • Decisions
  • Language
  • Attitudes

These meta programs switches on the filter which fits with your personal perception. This internal filter determines what should happen with the event, generally one of three things:

  • Delete filter – Deletes appropriate or inappropriate
  • Generalize filter – The brain runs programs to switch on a light. It can run inappropriate programs for example a phobia against spiders.
  • Distortion filter – Punish self “I am stupid”

3. An internal representation is formed

Consciously turn the event into a positive event or as a learning experience.

4. Your own emotional reaction to the event takes shape

Consciously shaping an event into the positive adds to one’s positive state of mind.

5. Physiology and behavior is determined by your emotional reaction

Based on a positive relation to which filters are switched on one’s physiology and behavior will automatically follow the positive state of emotion.

6. Language as medium of expression

Expression, verbal or otherwise, can now not help but be genuinely positive and constructive.

w&t_ch5_d_the_glad_game

The above explanations makes it obvious how the Glad Game relates to the workplace.

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

A manager criticizes your work – his criticism filters through your internal representation (how you picture yourself). If you have a negative attitude your state of mind becomes negative, affecting your behavior, for example you withdraw. This adds to a further negative state of mind which affects the type of language you use, for example denial or blame.

If you play the Glad Game your positive image gives you a positive state of mind which in turn has a positive effect on your behavior and language. If customers give you negative feedback, you need to be able to thank them for the feedback and ask further questions to ensure that you can address the customer’s needs.

This is true Elephant behavior.

Associate and participate or Dissociate for perspective using NLP
Chapter 5
p.5
Dissociation and Association? Sounds terribly complicated to me! What is it and how can it help me to improve my interaction with colleagues and customers?
Dissociation and Association are two NLP techniques and are closely related to the Johari Window – The Glad Game.
Dissociation means literally to disconnect, create some distance, to gain perspective, to see situations and yourself in perspective.
Association means to connect closely, to participate in the here and now. In dealing with any external stimulus, like a problem, you can choose whether you want to Associate or Dissociate.
You can even shift from one to the other to gain a more complete understanding and insight. Unfortunately, many people operate in either the one or the other mode …
Mike Matulovich’s’ explanation of “seeing yourself in the picture vs. seeing yourself in the situation” should make it even clearer.
Thank you to: Mike Matulovich
Dissociation (Disconnect)
See yourself in the picture
(become aware of yourself).
Observer of yourself.
Talk to yourself about the situation.
How do you feel about your feelings.
Did you know?
Human beings are the only animal species that can dissociate.
Dissociation is useful for:
Dealing with conflict.
(It allows you to have better control of the situation and enables you to ask questions in an objective manner and tone).
Monitoring yourself. (Stand apart from yourself.)
See yourself from outside yourself. (See yourself through the eyes of someone else. Step outside of yourself to manage conflict.)
Enabling you to:
Feel pain
Remain in control
Feel no emotion which obscures judgment
Learn from negative experiences
Build resourcefulness
Design desired states
Association (Connect)
See now what you see.
Participate in the event.
Hear now what you hear.
Feel now what you experience.
Did you know?
Association is the state we live in – the subjective experience.
Association is useful for:
Enjoying yourself (Associate with happiness, success, feelings of love and joy – live for the moment.)
Empowering yourself with successes.
Utilizing positive experiences.
(When tackling a problem draw from past successes – think of all the thousands of problems you have already solved.)
Accessing resourcefulness.
Accessing past positive states.
Writing down a problem immediately dissociates one from it.
One should associate with success and happiness, and utilize success to deal with problems.

Associate and Participate or Dissociate for Perspective using NLP

Chapter 5 p.5

w&t_question

I Ask

Dissociation and Association? Sounds terribly complicated to me! What is it and how can it help me to improve my interaction with colleagues and customers?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Dissociation and Association are two NLP techniques and are closely related to the Johari Window – The Glad Game.

Dissociation means literally to disconnect, create some distance, to gain perspective, to see situations and yourself in perspective.

Association means to connect closely, to participate in the here and now. In dealing with any external stimulus, like a problem, you can choose whether you want to Associate or Dissociate.

You can even shift from one to the other to gain a more complete understanding and insight. Unfortunately, many people operate in either the one or the other mode …

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Mike Matulovich’s’ explanation of “seeing yourself in the picture vs. seeing yourself in the situation” should make it even clearer.

w&t_ch5_f_association-and-dissociation

Thank you to: Mike Matulovich

Dissociation (Disconnect)

  • See yourself in the picture
    (become aware of yourself).
  • Observer of yourself.
  • Talk to yourself about the situation.
  • How do you feel about your feelings.

Did you know?

Human beings are the only animal species that can dissociate.

Dissociation is useful for:

  • Dealing with conflict.
    (It allows you to have better control of the situation and enables you to ask questions in an objective manner and tone).
  • Monitoring yourself. (Stand apart from yourself.)
  • See yourself from outside yourself. (See yourself through the eyes of someone else. Step outside of yourself to manage conflict.)
  • Enabling you to:
    • Feel pain
    • Remain in control
    • Feel no emotion which obscures judgment
    • Learn from negative experiences
    • Build resourcefulness
    • Design desired states

Association (Connect)

  • See now what you see.
  • Participate in the event.
  • Hear now what you hear.
  • Feel now what you experience.

Did you know?

Association is the state we live in – the subjective experience.

Association is useful for:

  • Enjoying yourself (Associate with happiness, success, feelings of love and joy – live for the moment.)
  • Empowering yourself with successes.
  • Utilizing positive experiences.
    (When tackling a problem draw from past successes – think of all the thousands of problems you have already solved.)
  • Accessing resourcefulness.
  • Accessing past positive states.Writing down a problem immediately dissociates one from it.
w&t_elephant

I Advise

One should associate with success and happiness, and utilize success to deal with problems.