Emotional Awareness

Definition of success
A process of incremental growth in personal capacity
Chapter 4 p.6
What does personal success mean within a company?
Being successful implies:
A process of logical incremental growth in personal capacity in line with your chosen level of self actualization within your current goal cycle; combined with sustainable high financial and productive growth, while striving for inner peace and the chosen balance in your own life. Now that’s a mouthful!
Have FUN and grow your capacity to contribute to the success of the company and your career in terms of profit and growth, enjoy reaching a level where you can effectively teach others through example, coaching and mentioning.
The Maslow triangle
As we indicated earlier, success will be measured by the degree of overlap amongst the needs of the company, the customer and you.
But is there anything that I can use to help me grow towards success in my company?
You can use the various tools in this book, like The Issue Resolution Module Model, The Six Thinking Hats, Emotional Awareness, The Order Cycle, to name but a few, to enable and empower you to be even more effective.
Developing these skills forms part of your Walk & Talk process within your company.

A process of incremental growth in personal capacity

Chapter 4 p.6

w&t_question

I Ask

What does personal success mean within a company?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Being successful implies:

A process of logical incremental growth in personal capacity in line with your chosen level of self actualization within your current goal cycle; combined with sustainable high financial and productive growth, while striving for inner peace and the chosen balance in your own life. Now that’s a mouthful!

Have FUN and grow your capacity to contribute to the success of the company and your career in terms of profit and growth, enjoy reaching a level where you can effectively teach others through example, coaching and mentioning.

w&t_ch4_e_cupgrowth

The Maslow triangle

w&t_elephant

I Advise

As we indicated earlier, success will be measured by the degree of overlap amongst the needs of the company, the customer and you.

w&t_question

I Ask

But is there anything that I can use to help me grow towards success in my company?

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

You can use the various tools in this book, like The Issue Resolution Module Model, The Six Thinking Hats, Emotional Awareness, The Order Cycle, to name but a few, to enable and empower you to be even more effective.

Developing these skills forms part of your Walk & Talk process within your company.

The underlying principles toward career growth in your company
Chapter 4 p.1
Right, from what I have read so far, I can see how important this ‘overlap’ is. How can I begin my alignment process?
During the Walk & Talk process you will develop various skills, ranging from interpersonal to business skills. Moreover, you will acquire a set of basic underlying principles.
These principles will create a mind set which is a prerequisite for you to develop into a thriving individual in both your personal and professional life.
Furthermore, if you consciously focus on embedding these principles in your mind, your own skills will develop as you apply these principles to various aspects of your job.
Every journey needs a map to guide us. In our case, it is helpful to construct Mind-maps to guide our development along the Walk & Talk process. The most important principles which the individual should acquire are illustrated below in a mind map.
Underlying principles acquired during the Walk and Talk process:
Emotional Awareness
Process vs Control
Definition of success
Time management matrix
Process vs. Control
Growing a win-win minds

The underlying principles toward career growth in your company

Chapter 4 p.1

w&t_question

I Ask

Right, from what I have read so far, I can see how important this ‘overlap’ is. How can I begin my alignment process?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

During the Walk & Talk process you will develop various skills, ranging from interpersonal to business skills. Moreover, you will acquire a set of basic underlying principles.

These principles will create a mind set which is a prerequisite for you to develop into a thriving individual in both your personal and professional life.

Furthermore, if you consciously focus on embedding these principles in your mind, your own skills will develop as you apply these principles to various aspects of your job.

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Every journey needs a map to guide us. In our case, it is helpful to construct mind maps to guide our development along the Walk & Talk process. The most important principles which the individual should acquire are illustrated below in a mind map.

w&t_ch4_a_underlying_principles

Underlying principles acquired during the Walk and Talk process:

Recognize negative emotions as signals to transform to the positive
Chapter 4
p.3
Emotional Awareness consists of five basic building blocks:
Building block number 1: Self-Awareness
The keystone of Emotional Awareness is the ability to recognize a particular feeling as it occurs.
Developing self-awareness requires “tuning into your gut feelings” and a deliberate effort to become more aware of them.
Being able to recognize and identify a feeling, enables you to consciously deal with it, and to change it if necessary.
Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental aspect of Emotional Awareness, namely, being able to shake off a bad mood.
A rude encounter often leaves me annoyed for hours. I usually hide my feelings and I would be surprised if someone were to comment on my state of mind. If I had consciously evaluated my feelings I could have become aware of how I felt deep down and how it offended me… Not doing it, is emotionally un-intelligent!”
Building block number 2: Mood Management
We often have little control over the emotions which sweep over us, but we can have some say in their duration.
Various techniques can be used to help us manage our moods, for instance:
”Rearming” – consciously re-interpreting a situation in a more positive light. Any situation can be viewed from a different perspective if we consciously try and look at it differently. It is usually possible to find a positive angle to any situation.
Even deep breathing and consciously deciding to go quiet within yourself for a few moments can alleviate anxiety, depression and anger.
Refer to The Glad Game and Association and Dissociation in this book which describe additional techniques that can be used to manage moods.
Building block number 3: Self-Motivation
To motivate yourself in order to achieve requires clear goals and an optimistic ‘can-do’ attitude.
Positive motivation – feelings of enthusiasm, zeal and confidence are paramount for achievement.
For a pessimist rejection often means “I’m a failure”. Optimists tell themselves “I’m using the wrong approach” and are thus motivated to try again.
Building block number 4: Impulse Control
The essence of emotional self-control is the ability to delay impulse gratification (in other words immediate satisfaction or short-term pleasure) in the service of a longer-term goal.
When faced with an immediate temptation of whatever nature, remind yourself of your long-term-goals.
Now sleeping late will never be the same again!
Building block number 5: People Skills
We transmit and receive moods from one another on a subtle, almost imperceptible level.
The better we are at discerning the feelings behind other people’s signals, the better we are at controlling the signals we send.
Remember, even the way someone says ‘Thank you’, can leave you feeling dismissed, patronized or genuinely appreciated.
I am now quite sure that many of the “difficult situations” I have encountered in my relations with colleagues and clients stem from a lack of emotional awareness on both sides.
What hints can you give me which I can practice and use to enhance my EQ?
EQ is a multi- faceted concept and your overall EQ is determined by a combination of factors which all play a role in your interaction with others, including colleagues and customers.
The diagram on the left shows you these different factors and dimensions. The diagram also provides guidelines on how to enhance your emotional awareness in each dimension.

Recognize negative emotions as signals to transform to the positive

Chapter 4 p.3

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Emotional Awareness consists of five basic building blocks:

Building block number 1: Self-Awareness

  • The keystone of Emotional Awareness is the ability to recognize a particular feeling as it occurs.
  • Developing self-awareness requires “tuning into your gut feelings” and a deliberate effort to become more aware of them.
  • Being able to recognize and identify a feeling, enables you to consciously deal with it, and to change it if necessary.
  • Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental aspect of Emotional Awareness, namely, being able to shake off a bad mood.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

A rude encounter often leaves me annoyed for hours. I usually hide my feelings and I would be surprised if someone were to comment on my state of mind. If I had consciously evaluated my feelings I could have become aware of how I felt deep down and how it offended me… Not doing it, is emotionally un-intelligent!”

Building block number 2: Mood Management

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

We often have little control over the emotions which sweep over us, but we can have some say in their duration.

Various techniques can be used to help us manage our moods, for instance:

  • Rearming – consciously re-interpreting a situation in a more positive light. Any situation can be viewed from a different perspective if we consciously try and look at it differently. It is usually possible to find a positive angle to any situation.
  • Even deep breathing and consciously deciding to go quiet within yourself for a few moments can alleviate anxiety, depression and anger.
  • Refer to The Glad Game and Association and Dissociation in this book which describe additional techniques that can be used to manage moods.

Building block number 3: Self-Motivation

  • To motivate yourself in order to achieve requires clear goals and an optimistic ‘can-do’ attitude.
  • Positive motivation – feelings of enthusiasm, zeal and confidence are paramount for achievement.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

For a pessimist rejection often means “I’m a failure”. Optimists tell themselves “I’m using the wrong approach” and are thus motivated to try again.

Building block number 4: Impulse Control

  • The essence of emotional self-control is the ability to delay impulse gratification (in other words immediate satisfaction or short-term pleasure) in the service of a longer-term goal.
  • When faced with an immediate temptation of whatever nature, remind yourself of your long-term-goals.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Now sleeping late will never be the same again!

Building block number 5: People Skills

  • We transmit and receive moods from one another on a subtle, almost imperceptible level.
  • The better we are at discerning the feelings behind other people’s signals, the better we are at controlling the signals we send.
w&t_elephant

I Advise

Remember, even the way someone says ‘Thank you’, can leave you feeling dismissed, patronized or genuinely appreciated.

More Tools

Conflict resolution

  • Knowing how to fight fair
  • Using the Win-Win model for negotiating compromise

Self-awareness

  • Observing yourself and recognizing your feelings
  • Understanding relationship between thoughts, feelings and reactions

Managing feelings

  • Monitoring ‘self-talk’ to catch negative messages such as internal put-downs
  • Realizing what is behind a feeling
  • Finding ways to handle fears, anxieties, anger and sadness

Handling Stress

  • Learning the value of exercise, guided imagery, relaxation methods

Empathy

  • Understanding another’s feelings and concern
  • Taking their perspective
  • Appreciating the differences in the way people feel about things

Assertiveness

  • Stating your concerns and feelings without anger or passion

Communication

  • Talking about emotions effectively
  • Becoming a good listener and question-asker
  • Distinguishing between what someone does or says and your reactions or judgment
  • Sending “I” instead of blame messages

Personal decision-making

  • Examining your actions and knowing their consequences
  • Knowing whether thought or emotion is ruling a decision

Self-disclosure

  • Valuing openness and building trust in a relationship
  • Knowing when it is safe to risk talking about your private feelings

Self-acceptance

  • Feeling pride and seeing yourself in a positive light
  • Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses
  • Being able to laugh at yourself

Personal responsibility

  • Taking responsibility
  • Recognizing the consequences of your decisions and actions
  • Accepting your feelings and moods
  • Following through on commitments

Insight

  • Identifying patterns in your emotional life and reactions
  • Recognizing similar patterns in others

Group dynamics

  • Co-operation
  • Knowing when and how to lead and when to follow
w&t_question

I Ask

I am now quite sure that many of the “difficult situations” I have encountered in my relations with colleagues and clients stem from a lack of emotional awareness on both sides.

What hints can you give me which I can practice and use to enhance my EQ?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

EQ is a multi- faceted concept and your overall EQ is determined by a combination of factors which all play a role in your interaction with others, including colleagues and customers.

The diagram below shows you these different factors and dimensions. The diagram also provides guidelines on how to enhance your emotional awareness in each dimension.

w&t_elephant

I Advise

EQ will affect your contribution to the company in several important ways, including: You become solution focused. You take responsibility for your yourself and your tasks.

Management time is freed as a result.

Career choices based on the unknown
Making career choices based on what is unknown is always a source of uncertainty for most. We fear that which we do not know. Imagine looking down a very dark tunnel running straight down into the earth. You are expected to jump into this hole, you expect this of yourself or others expect this of you. To you this hole looks like it just goes down forever, a never ending drop into a very deep abyss…
Actually the hole is only two meters deep, but you don’t know that because you only see the black opening! We are too afraid to jump into this hole simply because we know nothing of it.
Many a time it is the same with ones career choices. We are expected to make a career choice, be it a big change or a small task in our current career; it feels like we are jumping into that ‘very deep’ unknown hole. Especially with the small everyday career choices at the office, imagine having to jump into unknown holes ten times a day!
How do we usually react to such situations? We just don’t do it, we ignore it or we take forever to take action; it is just too fearful and unknown. Many a time one will miss a great opportunity, other times it was the right career choice, one will never be a hundred percent certain before making a jump.
Read the coaching session on career choices based on the unknown…
How does one overcome this fear of the unknown?
Freely use our Career Development Guide and make the information on the following pages your own, these skills and knowledge will make big and small career choices much simpler:
Emotional awareness
Signal to transform into a positive mindset
Turn all emotional experiences into selected actions
The glad game
Productive listening
Effective questioning
The decision making process
The issue resolution model
The process of transformation
The need for continuous goal clarification
Closing the feedback gap
Before we go any further, the most important fact to remember is to jump slowly! A sudden jump will almost always hurt. For example if one realizes it is time to change jobs, careers, cars, anything, do it slowly over a period of time and with the right information.
Gather the most information concerning the specific career choice one possibly can, make an informed jump .
Talk to the people around you; family, friends, colleagues, people you trust. Frame the situation you find yourself in for them and listen to what they think, but really listen and take their advice seriously; even if you think it might be senseless information at the time. One is usually very surprised at the wisdom that exists in others we share with.
Another time tested method is to write about this career choice you are facing. Write down all the questions that come to mind. Answer the ones you are able to answer, leave the others for later. Check with others, what they think would be the best answers to the questions, the ones already answered as well. Just keep on writing, anything and everything that comes to mind. It is amazing how things clear when they are out of ones head and somewhere else, there is now space for new truths to take shape. This method is equally effective for any challenging choice one might face.
Frame your mind
Continuously frame your mind for the time when one will go from information to choice to action. In more direct terms, bull%&*# your mind into taking positive action. Motivate your mind into believing that taking the action will come to success; believe it and your voice and attitude will reflect it. Think positive!
If you jump and fall a bit hard, don’t stay there too long, your muscles will start cramping! While recovering from a hard fall, take time and reflect on which choices could have been made differently and which information one did not have. Reflection is good, but not to be overused. We were built to jump and grow and run and build, ones system will recover. Get up and move.
Please share your experience at our value exchange forums and ask questions!
How does one “safely” make this jump?
Slowly. Taking action based on a choice would sometimes be faster, other times slower, never instant. At the very least apply the twenty four hour rule; especially when another person angered or frustrated you, an instant answer, remark or response is never the desired reaction. If you are angry or frustrated, allow twenty four hours to pass before you react or jump in.
A career choice with longer terms effects, for example changing careers, should be made even slower. Weeks, months could and probably should pass before making the jump. Phase into action bit by bit. Remember delegation. When changing careers, jobs, departments or positions, don’t leave gaps behind. Ensure others will be able to successfully do the job you did and you will always be welcome again!
Coaching session on Fear of the unknown career choices
Dawie
I have an opportunity to go and work with Aleph. I currently work for a company called New-World and do not know if I should change jobs. What do you think?
Nicholas
Do you enjoy your current job?
Dawie
No, I want to do graphic communication and am currently a salesman. Doing what I love doing, graphic communications, part time.
Nicholas
Why do you not want to change jobs / careers if you will do full time what you are doing part time now?
Dawie
I am not 100% certain what it is I will be doing. There is the probability that I will do some of the things I want to do, but I might have other responsibilities.
Nicholas
Would these other responsibilities be a problem to you? If some of the work would be in graphic communication? As you grow in the skill of delegation, you could always delegate more of the work you do not enjoy doing.
Dawie
No it would probably not.
Nicholas
How would you get more information on what would be expected of you in this position working with Aleph?
Dawie
I would set up a meeting with a more senior person in the company and talk to them about what it is I would be doing. Maybe talk to some other employees of the company and get a feel for how the company operates.
Nicholas
If you like what you hear and see would you then be more comfortable making a decision?
Dawie
I would get all the information I can, share this with the people around me, for example friends and family, and hear what they have to say. Once I feel comfortable that I have sufficient information and feedback to base a decisive choice on, I will take action.

Career choices based on the unknown

Making career choices based on what is unknown is always a source of uncertainty for most, especially for those considering a midlife career change. We fear that which we do not know. Imagine looking down a very dark tunnel running straight down into the earth. You are expected to jump into this hole, you expect this of yourself or others expect this of you. To you this hole looks like it just goes down forever, a never ending drop into a very deep abyss…

Actually the hole is only two meters deep, but you don’t know that because you only see the black opening! We are too afraid to jump into this hole simply because we know nothing of it.

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Many a time it is the same with one’s career choices. We are expected to make a career choice, be it a big change or a small task in our current career; it feels like we are jumping into that ‘very deep’ unknown hole. Especially with the small everyday career choices at the office, imagine having to jump into unknown holes ten times a day!

How do we usually react to such situations? We just don’t do it, we ignore it or we take forever to take action; it is just too fearful and unknown. Many a time one will miss a great opportunity, other times it was the right career choice, one will never be a hundred percent certain before making a jump.

Read the coaching session on career choices based on the unknown…

w&t_question

I Ask

How does one overcome this fear of the unknown?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Use our Walk and Talk guide and make the information on the following pages your own, these skills and knowledge will make big and small career choices much simpler:

Before we go any further, the most important fact to remember is to jump slowly! A sudden jump will almost always hurt. For example if one realizes it is time to change jobs, careers, cars, anything, do it slowly over a period of time and with the right information.

Gather the most information concerning the specific career choice one possibly can, make an informed jump .

Talk to the people around you; family, friends, colleagues, people you trust. Frame the situation you find yourself in for them and listen to what they think, but really listen and take their advice seriously; even if you think it might be senseless information at the time. One is usually very surprised at the wisdom that exists in others we share with.

w&t_elephant

I Advise

Another time tested method is to write about this career choice you are facing. Write down all the questions that come to mind. Answer the ones you are able to answer, leave the others for later. Check with others, what they think would be the best answers to the questions, the ones already answered as well. Just keep on writing, anything and everything that comes to mind. It is amazing how things clear when they are out of your head and somewhere else, there is now space for new truths to take shape. This method is equally effective for any challenging choice one might face.

Frame your mind

w&t_binoculars

I Answer

Continuously frame your mind for the time when you will go from information to choice to action. In more direct terms, bulldoze your mind into taking positive action. Motivate your mind into believing that taking the action will come to success; believe it and your voice and attitude will reflect it. Think positive!

If you jump and fall a bit hard, don’t stay there too long, your muscles will start cramping! While recovering from a hard fall, take time and reflect on which choices could have been made differently and which information one did not have. Reflection is good, but not to be overused. We were built to jump and grow and run and build, your system will recover. Get up and move.

w&t_question

I Ask

How does I safely make this jump?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Slowly. Taking action based on a choice would sometimes be faster, other times slower, never instant. At the very least apply the twenty four hour rule; especially when another person angered or frustrated you, an instant answer, remark or response is never the desired reaction. If you are angry or frustrated, allow twenty four hours to pass before you react or jump in.

A career choice with longer terms effects, for example changing careers, should be made even slower. Weeks, months could and probably should pass before making the jump. Phase into action bit by bit. Remember delegation. When changing careers, jobs, departments or positions, don’t leave gaps behind. Ensure others will be able to successfully do the job you did and you will always be welcome again!

Coaching session on Fear of the Unknown Career Choices

Dawie

I have an opportunity to go and work with Aleph. I currently work for a company called New-World and do not know if I should change jobs. What do you think?

Nicholas

Do you enjoy your current job?

Dawie

No, I want to do graphic communication and am currently a salesman. Doing what I love doing, graphic communications, part time.

Nicholas

Why do you not want to change jobs / careers if you will do full time what you are doing part time now?

Dawie

I am not 100% certain what it is I will be doing. There is the probability that I will do some of the things I want to do, but I might have other responsibilities.

Nicholas

Would these other responsibilities be a problem to you? If some of the work would be in graphic communication? As you grow in the skill of delegation, you could always delegate more of the work you do not enjoy doing.

Dawie

No it would probably not.

Nicholas

How would you get more information on what would be expected of you in this position working with Aleph?

Dawie

I would set up a meeting with a more senior person in the company and talk to them about what it is I would be doing. Maybe talk to some other employees of the company and get a feel for how the company operates.

Nicholas

If you like what you hear and see would you then be more comfortable making a decision?

Dawie

I would get all the information I can, share this with the people around me, for example friends and family, and hear what they have to say. Once I feel comfortable that I have sufficient information and feedback to base a decisive choice on, I will take action.

Manage your own emotional response
Chapter 4
p.2
Nowadays I often hear people referring to “emotional awareness”. What does it mean and how can it help me to be more successful in business?
Well, I assume you have heard about IQ – the Intelligence Quotient. It is a measure of your intellectual potential. IQ or intelligence is an important consideration for certain types of jobs but it does not necessarily predict success in business and personal life.
Psychologists agree that IQ contributes only about 20 percent of the factors that determine success. 80 percent of the success factors are determined by other considerations, such as emotional awareness (or E.I.). Emotional awareness is about being able to:
Identify emotions as clearly as possible and to understand how they manifest in your own behavior and that of others.
Manage your own emotional response in your interaction with others.
Act responsively and intelligently when dealing with other’s emotions.
Can you give me some guidelines that will enable me to be more emotionally aware in my dealings with others?
Let us start by identifying the different emotions that people can experience. Daniel Goleman distinguishes eight primary emotions and the following diagram indicates the different forms in which they can manifest in behavior and interaction with others.
According to Goleman, to trust is, in essence, to love and I thought love has no place in business!
The eight primary human emotions according to Goleman
Love
Acceptance
Friendliness
Trust
Kindness
Affinity
Devotion
Adoration
Infatuation
Agape
Enjoyment
Happiness
Joy
Relief
Contentment
Bliss
Delight
Amusement
Pride
Sensual pleasure
See graphic for complete list
Surprise
Shock
Astonishment
Amazement
Wonder
Disgust
Contempt
Disdain
Scorn
Abhorrence
Aversion
Distaste
Revulsion
Shame
Guilt
Embarrassment
Chagrin
Remorse
Humiliation
Regret
Mortification
Contrition
Fear
Anxiety
Apprehension
Nervousness
Concern
Consternation
Misgiving
See graphic for complete list
Anger
Fury
Outrage
Resentment
Wrath
Exasperation
Indignation
Vexation
Acrimony
Animosity
See graphic for complete list
Sadness
Grief
Sorrow
Cheerlessness
Gloom
Melancholy
Self-pity
Loneliness
Dejection
See graphic for complete list

Manage your own emotional response

Chapter 4 p.2

w&t_question

I Ask

Nowadays I often hear people referring to “emotional awareness”. What does it mean and how can it help me to be more successful in business?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Well, I assume you have heard about IQ – the Intelligence Quotient. It is a measure of your intellectual potential. IQ or intelligence is an important consideration for certain types of jobs but it does not necessarily predict success in business and personal life.

Psychologists agree that IQ contributes only about 20 percent of the factors that determine success. 80 percent of the success factors are determined by other considerations, such as emotional awareness (or E.I.). Emotional awareness is about being able to:

Identify emotions as clearly as possible and to understand how they manifest in your own behavior and that of others.

Manage your own emotional response in your interaction with others.

Act responsively and intelligently when dealing with other’s emotions.

w&t_question

I Ask

Can you give me some guidelines that will enable me to be more emotionally aware in my dealings with others?

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Let us start by identifying the different emotions that people can experience. Daniel Goleman distinguishes eight primary emotions and the following diagram indicates the different forms in which they can manifest in behavior and interaction with others.

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

According to Goleman, to trust is, in essence, to love and I thought love had no place in business!

The eight primary human emotions according to Goleman

Love

  • Acceptance
  • Friendliness
  • Trust
  • Kindness
  • Affinity
  • Devotion
  • Adoration
  • Infatuation
  • Agape

Enjoyment

  • Happiness
  • Joy
  • Relief
  • Contentment
  • Bliss
  • Delight
  • Amusement
  • Pride
  • Sensual pleasure
  • See graphic below for complete list

Surprise

  • Shock
  • Astonishment
  • Amazement
  • Wonder

Disgust

  • Contempt
  • Disdain
  • Scorn
  • Abhorrence
  • Aversion
  • Distaste
  • Revulsion

Shame

  • Guilt
  • Embarrassment
  • Chagrin
  • Remorse
  • Humiliation
  • Regret
  • Mortification
  • Contrition

Fear

  • Anxiety
  • Apprehension
  • Nervousness
  • Concern
  • Consternation
  • Misgiving
  • See graphic below for complete list

Anger

  • Fury
  • Outrage
  • Resentment
  • Wrath
  • Exasperation
  • Indignation
  • Vexation
  • Acrimony
  • Animosity
  • See graphic below for complete list

Sadness

  • Grief
  • Sorrow
  • Cheerlessness
  • Gloom
  • Melancholy
  • Self-pity
  • Loneliness
  • Dejection
  • See graphic below for complete list

w&t_ch4_b_emotional_awareness

Manage anger signals and respond effectively

Chapter 5 p.9

w&t_question

I Ask

Angry? Me? No! I never get angry, at least I never show it, especially not with customers and colleagues.

Is there anything wrong with that?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

The issue is not whether you show anger or not, but whether you know how to deal effectively with anger signals. The inability to do so often leads to destructive behavioral patterns and can easily let you end up in a guilt cycle.

What is needed, in Mike Matulovich’s terms, is real Elephant behavior in dealing with anger.

The diagram below contrasts the way in which the Elephant, the Ostrich and the Rhinoceros deal with anger.

w&t_ch5_n_responding_to_anger_signals

Four guidelines to manage anger and respond effectively:

  1. Address the problem.
    • Ask questions in order to obtain information to solve the problem.
    • Re-frame: What else could it mean?
  2. Dissociate from criticism and use a SMART action plan to solve the problem.
  3. Ask yourself what you can learn from this situation.
  4. Then let it go and forgive yourself
w&t_elephant

I Advise

Sounds to me as if some emotional awareness would serve you well in dealing with your anger.

Also remember the Issue Resolution model.