Dissociation

Can we really always respond for career and entrepreneurial success?

Thank you for listening to our video.  

Master the skills of dissociation and association career success with Career Maker’s easy three step process.

A daily drama on our roads will help explain.

Imagine you are on your way to work. Can you just for a moment imagine responding with anger and attack to all the irrational and dangerous drivers? Picture the angry faces and hand signs being exchanged?  You arrive at the office in a foul mood and that mood dictates your responses and contaminates the interactions you have with your colleagues, and by lunch time, you are all alone. You get home feeling like the people at work dislike and are avoiding of you.

We often fail at effective communication in everyday life when we respond to others within the context of negative events with the associated emotions and defences instead of dissociating and choosing effective means of interacting.

Dissociation means literally to disconnect, create some distance.

Association means to connect closely.

Association and dissociation in life skills and communication skills

Be a problem solver and you are welcome.

The story from my two sons illustrate the dissociation solution:

Andrew in (grade 1) came home complaining that Albert (in grade 7) and his friends were teasing him without stop!

Please think of a situation where someone got under your skin and dissociate using the same process as Andrew did.

I taught Andrew to put funny clothes, glasses and a funny hat with tingling bells on each of them in his mind’s eye. He then saw and heard them moving about in this funny outfit with funny sounds and imagined them speaking in funny ways, enhancing the image using the five sense of hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling and tasting. He breathed deeply and moved his fingers and toes to further relax and immersing himself in this intense enjoyable image in his minds eye.

He was already laughing about the situation.

We role played the scenario a few times and then he was let loose on his tormentors.

A few days later the older ones came home and complained that Andrew was laughing loudly when teased. They found this very disconcerting and somehow personal! The six year old were now dissociated and could easily laugh whenever he was teased.

The last step was for Andrew to up the ante and to take the game to a next level where he associated with the positive in the jokes and grew friendships lasting to this day!

I use the process all the time myself and in work team. We taught the process in all our companies as part of the new employee induction process.

When you associate or dissociate with people in a situation, remember that people intuitively use language based in their 5 senses. By being aware of the five senses and matching their sensory words with ones of your own e.g. I can see you are…/ I feel like you…/ What I hear you are saying is…, you can establish a deep level of trust and rapport through the communication of your understanding and the confirmation that what they are saying or feeling is being understood correctly.

Use these techniques responsibly – it’s powerful and so are you. So please be nice  and act to expand your options.

We started off by asking:

Can you manoeuvre strategically to facilitate a desired outcome and thus expand your options for interactions in any circumstance?

The answer must be emphatically yes with the MASTERY of the right personal growth tools.

END!

Master these tools in your life using the CAREER MAKER three step action toolbox.

A useful starter exercise:

1) Write a few paragraphs about a recent pleasant experience (E.g. a holiday, party, film, day out etc.) When you’ve finished, go through it underlining words and phrases that have a sensory element (you can do the same with this NLP tip.)

2) Pay attention to the sensory words that people are using. Make notes of the sensory words you hear.

3) In a low-risk situation, listen to the words that others use then match their sensory system by using words from the same system (VAKOG).

To review, the five senses are visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, gustatory and olfactory (VAKOG.) Of these, V, A and K are the ones most often used. Examples of each include the following: http://www.saladltd.com/salad%20pages/Nlp%20tips/nlp_tip_6.htm

Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic Olfactory Gustatory
  • Look, see
  • Imagine
  • Visualise
  • Focus
  • Brilliant
  • Bright
  • Review
  • Hear
  • Sound
  • Listen
  • Ring
  • Buzz
  • Recall
  • Harmonious
  • Feel
  • Grasp
  • Hold
  • Push
  • Drive
  • Tough
  • Grab
  • Smell
  • Sweet
  • Rotten
  • Fishy
  • Fragrance
  • Funky
  • Scent
  • Taste
  • Bitter
  • Sweet
  • Sharp
  • Salty
  • Bland
  • Tasty

 

Simple implementations and much more information:

The scaffolding and transformation process we follow and let you implement in the Career Maker Three Step process

The five senses and enhancers as input and a choice how we process it:

Definitions and tools for the eager ones:

The Three step learning process in graphic form.

Unconsciously unaware to subconscious mastery of any skill.

http://www.businessballs.com/nlpneuro-linguisticprogramming.htm

http://www.nlpinfo.com/intro/txintro.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QRpUFWVllA

A start to the history behind the short story:

Cognitive http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_science

NLP: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-linguistic_programming

Recognize negative emotions as signals to transform to the positive
Chapter 4
p.3
Emotional Awareness consists of five basic building blocks:
Building block number 1: Self-Awareness
The keystone of Emotional Awareness is the ability to recognize a particular feeling as it occurs.
Developing self-awareness requires “tuning into your gut feelings” and a deliberate effort to become more aware of them.
Being able to recognize and identify a feeling, enables you to consciously deal with it, and to change it if necessary.
Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental aspect of Emotional Awareness, namely, being able to shake off a bad mood.
A rude encounter often leaves me annoyed for hours. I usually hide my feelings and I would be surprised if someone were to comment on my state of mind. If I had consciously evaluated my feelings I could have become aware of how I felt deep down and how it offended me… Not doing it, is emotionally un-intelligent!”
Building block number 2: Mood Management
We often have little control over the emotions which sweep over us, but we can have some say in their duration.
Various techniques can be used to help us manage our moods, for instance:
”Rearming” – consciously re-interpreting a situation in a more positive light. Any situation can be viewed from a different perspective if we consciously try and look at it differently. It is usually possible to find a positive angle to any situation.
Even deep breathing and consciously deciding to go quiet within yourself for a few moments can alleviate anxiety, depression and anger.
Refer to The Glad Game and Association and Dissociation in this book which describe additional techniques that can be used to manage moods.
Building block number 3: Self-Motivation
To motivate yourself in order to achieve requires clear goals and an optimistic ‘can-do’ attitude.
Positive motivation – feelings of enthusiasm, zeal and confidence are paramount for achievement.
For a pessimist rejection often means “I’m a failure”. Optimists tell themselves “I’m using the wrong approach” and are thus motivated to try again.
Building block number 4: Impulse Control
The essence of emotional self-control is the ability to delay impulse gratification (in other words immediate satisfaction or short-term pleasure) in the service of a longer-term goal.
When faced with an immediate temptation of whatever nature, remind yourself of your long-term-goals.
Now sleeping late will never be the same again!
Building block number 5: People Skills
We transmit and receive moods from one another on a subtle, almost imperceptible level.
The better we are at discerning the feelings behind other people’s signals, the better we are at controlling the signals we send.
Remember, even the way someone says ‘Thank you’, can leave you feeling dismissed, patronized or genuinely appreciated.
I am now quite sure that many of the “difficult situations” I have encountered in my relations with colleagues and clients stem from a lack of emotional awareness on both sides.
What hints can you give me which I can practice and use to enhance my EQ?
EQ is a multi- faceted concept and your overall EQ is determined by a combination of factors which all play a role in your interaction with others, including colleagues and customers.
The diagram on the left shows you these different factors and dimensions. The diagram also provides guidelines on how to enhance your emotional awareness in each dimension.

Recognize negative emotions as signals to transform to the positive

Chapter 4 p.3

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Emotional Awareness consists of five basic building blocks:

Building block number 1: Self-Awareness

  • The keystone of Emotional Awareness is the ability to recognize a particular feeling as it occurs.
  • Developing self-awareness requires “tuning into your gut feelings” and a deliberate effort to become more aware of them.
  • Being able to recognize and identify a feeling, enables you to consciously deal with it, and to change it if necessary.
  • Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental aspect of Emotional Awareness, namely, being able to shake off a bad mood.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

A rude encounter often leaves me annoyed for hours. I usually hide my feelings and I would be surprised if someone were to comment on my state of mind. If I had consciously evaluated my feelings I could have become aware of how I felt deep down and how it offended me… Not doing it, is emotionally un-intelligent!”

Building block number 2: Mood Management

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

We often have little control over the emotions which sweep over us, but we can have some say in their duration.

Various techniques can be used to help us manage our moods, for instance:

  • Rearming – consciously re-interpreting a situation in a more positive light. Any situation can be viewed from a different perspective if we consciously try and look at it differently. It is usually possible to find a positive angle to any situation.
  • Even deep breathing and consciously deciding to go quiet within yourself for a few moments can alleviate anxiety, depression and anger.
  • Refer to The Glad Game and Association and Dissociation in this book which describe additional techniques that can be used to manage moods.

Building block number 3: Self-Motivation

  • To motivate yourself in order to achieve requires clear goals and an optimistic ‘can-do’ attitude.
  • Positive motivation – feelings of enthusiasm, zeal and confidence are paramount for achievement.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

For a pessimist rejection often means “I’m a failure”. Optimists tell themselves “I’m using the wrong approach” and are thus motivated to try again.

Building block number 4: Impulse Control

  • The essence of emotional self-control is the ability to delay impulse gratification (in other words immediate satisfaction or short-term pleasure) in the service of a longer-term goal.
  • When faced with an immediate temptation of whatever nature, remind yourself of your long-term-goals.
w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Now sleeping late will never be the same again!

Building block number 5: People Skills

  • We transmit and receive moods from one another on a subtle, almost imperceptible level.
  • The better we are at discerning the feelings behind other people’s signals, the better we are at controlling the signals we send.
w&t_elephant

I Advise

Remember, even the way someone says ‘Thank you’, can leave you feeling dismissed, patronized or genuinely appreciated.

More Tools

Conflict resolution

  • Knowing how to fight fair
  • Using the Win-Win model for negotiating compromise

Self-awareness

  • Observing yourself and recognizing your feelings
  • Understanding relationship between thoughts, feelings and reactions

Managing feelings

  • Monitoring ‘self-talk’ to catch negative messages such as internal put-downs
  • Realizing what is behind a feeling
  • Finding ways to handle fears, anxieties, anger and sadness

Handling Stress

  • Learning the value of exercise, guided imagery, relaxation methods

Empathy

  • Understanding another’s feelings and concern
  • Taking their perspective
  • Appreciating the differences in the way people feel about things

Assertiveness

  • Stating your concerns and feelings without anger or passion

Communication

  • Talking about emotions effectively
  • Becoming a good listener and question-asker
  • Distinguishing between what someone does or says and your reactions or judgment
  • Sending “I” instead of blame messages

Personal decision-making

  • Examining your actions and knowing their consequences
  • Knowing whether thought or emotion is ruling a decision

Self-disclosure

  • Valuing openness and building trust in a relationship
  • Knowing when it is safe to risk talking about your private feelings

Self-acceptance

  • Feeling pride and seeing yourself in a positive light
  • Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses
  • Being able to laugh at yourself

Personal responsibility

  • Taking responsibility
  • Recognizing the consequences of your decisions and actions
  • Accepting your feelings and moods
  • Following through on commitments

Insight

  • Identifying patterns in your emotional life and reactions
  • Recognizing similar patterns in others

Group dynamics

  • Co-operation
  • Knowing when and how to lead and when to follow
w&t_question

I Ask

I am now quite sure that many of the “difficult situations” I have encountered in my relations with colleagues and clients stem from a lack of emotional awareness on both sides.

What hints can you give me which I can practice and use to enhance my EQ?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

EQ is a multi- faceted concept and your overall EQ is determined by a combination of factors which all play a role in your interaction with others, including colleagues and customers.

The diagram below shows you these different factors and dimensions. The diagram also provides guidelines on how to enhance your emotional awareness in each dimension.

w&t_elephant

I Advise

EQ will affect your contribution to the company in several important ways, including: You become solution focused. You take responsibility for your yourself and your tasks.

Management time is freed as a result.

Associate and participate or Dissociate for perspective using NLP
Chapter 5
p.5
Dissociation and Association? Sounds terribly complicated to me! What is it and how can it help me to improve my interaction with colleagues and customers?
Dissociation and Association are two NLP techniques and are closely related to the Johari Window – The Glad Game.
Dissociation means literally to disconnect, create some distance, to gain perspective, to see situations and yourself in perspective.
Association means to connect closely, to participate in the here and now. In dealing with any external stimulus, like a problem, you can choose whether you want to Associate or Dissociate.
You can even shift from one to the other to gain a more complete understanding and insight. Unfortunately, many people operate in either the one or the other mode …
Mike Matulovich’s’ explanation of “seeing yourself in the picture vs. seeing yourself in the situation” should make it even clearer.
Thank you to: Mike Matulovich
Dissociation (Disconnect)
See yourself in the picture
(become aware of yourself).
Observer of yourself.
Talk to yourself about the situation.
How do you feel about your feelings.
Did you know?
Human beings are the only animal species that can dissociate.
Dissociation is useful for:
Dealing with conflict.
(It allows you to have better control of the situation and enables you to ask questions in an objective manner and tone).
Monitoring yourself. (Stand apart from yourself.)
See yourself from outside yourself. (See yourself through the eyes of someone else. Step outside of yourself to manage conflict.)
Enabling you to:
Feel pain
Remain in control
Feel no emotion which obscures judgment
Learn from negative experiences
Build resourcefulness
Design desired states
Association (Connect)
See now what you see.
Participate in the event.
Hear now what you hear.
Feel now what you experience.
Did you know?
Association is the state we live in – the subjective experience.
Association is useful for:
Enjoying yourself (Associate with happiness, success, feelings of love and joy – live for the moment.)
Empowering yourself with successes.
Utilizing positive experiences.
(When tackling a problem draw from past successes – think of all the thousands of problems you have already solved.)
Accessing resourcefulness.
Accessing past positive states.
Writing down a problem immediately dissociates one from it.
One should associate with success and happiness, and utilize success to deal with problems.

Associate and Participate or Dissociate for Perspective using NLP

Chapter 5 p.5

w&t_question

I Ask

Dissociation and Association? Sounds terribly complicated to me! What is it and how can it help me to improve my interaction with colleagues and customers?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

Dissociation and Association are two NLP techniques and are closely related to the Johari Window – The Glad Game.

Dissociation means literally to disconnect, create some distance, to gain perspective, to see situations and yourself in perspective.

Association means to connect closely, to participate in the here and now. In dealing with any external stimulus, like a problem, you can choose whether you want to Associate or Dissociate.

You can even shift from one to the other to gain a more complete understanding and insight. Unfortunately, many people operate in either the one or the other mode …

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

Mike Matulovich’s’ explanation of “seeing yourself in the picture vs. seeing yourself in the situation” should make it even clearer.

w&t_ch5_f_association-and-dissociation

Thank you to: Mike Matulovich

Dissociation (Disconnect)

  • See yourself in the picture
    (become aware of yourself).
  • Observer of yourself.
  • Talk to yourself about the situation.
  • How do you feel about your feelings.

Did you know?

Human beings are the only animal species that can dissociate.

Dissociation is useful for:

  • Dealing with conflict.
    (It allows you to have better control of the situation and enables you to ask questions in an objective manner and tone).
  • Monitoring yourself. (Stand apart from yourself.)
  • See yourself from outside yourself. (See yourself through the eyes of someone else. Step outside of yourself to manage conflict.)
  • Enabling you to:
    • Feel pain
    • Remain in control
    • Feel no emotion which obscures judgment
    • Learn from negative experiences
    • Build resourcefulness
    • Design desired states

Association (Connect)

  • See now what you see.
  • Participate in the event.
  • Hear now what you hear.
  • Feel now what you experience.

Did you know?

Association is the state we live in – the subjective experience.

Association is useful for:

  • Enjoying yourself (Associate with happiness, success, feelings of love and joy – live for the moment.)
  • Empowering yourself with successes.
  • Utilizing positive experiences.
    (When tackling a problem draw from past successes – think of all the thousands of problems you have already solved.)
  • Accessing resourcefulness.
  • Accessing past positive states.Writing down a problem immediately dissociates one from it.
w&t_elephant

I Advise

One should associate with success and happiness, and utilize success to deal with problems.

Interpersonal skills
Effective interpersonal skills are based on effective communication
Chapter 5
p.1
I am of the opinion that the way I get along with my colleagues is very important for my success. What can you teach me about interpersonal skills?
You are right – this is a critical aspect of success. Effective interpersonal skills in your business life as well as your personal life are based on effective communication.
Your contribution and value-add depend in large measure upon your ability to communicate effectively with customers and team members, understanding their behavior and upon the nature of the relationship you maintain with them.
Equally important is your own self-awareness of how you respond to others and how you are perceived by your customers and team members.
This section of the book deals with the various tools and concepts that will assist you in managing Interpersonal relationships.
But first – let’s study the Mindmap.
Apply the process of Actions & Results rather than Analysis & Understanding.
Use your great personal capacity and gain in understanding of how and where you do your best work while you work; avoid focusing on analyzing yourself and once you understand you will do something. Take action and learn as you do, rather than analyzing, trying to understand and then doing.
Interpersonal skills:
7 habits of highly effective people
Growing the arena – The Johari window
Stimulus and response
Association and Dissociation
Finding common ground
Understanding DISC profiles
Feedback gap:
Stimulus and response
Responding to anger signals
Effective questioning
Productive listening
Association and dissociation

Effective interpersonal skills are based on effective communication

Chapter 5 p.1

w&t_question

I Ask

I am of the opinion that the way I get along with my colleagues is very important for my success. What can you teach me about interpersonal skills?

w&t_exclamation

I Answer

You are right – this is a critical aspect of success. Good interpersonal skills in your business life as well as your personal life are based on effective communication.

Your contribution and value-add depend in a large measure on your ability to communicate effectively with customers and team members; understanding their behavior and respecting the nature of your relationship.

Equally important is your own self-awareness of how you respond to others and how you are perceived by your customers and team members.

w&t_binoculars

I Explain

This section of the book deals with the various tools and concepts that will assist you in managing interpersonal relationships.

But first – let’s study the Mindmap.

Apply the process of Actions & Results rather than Analysis & Understanding.

Use your great personal capacity and gain in understanding of how and where you do your best work; avoid focusing on analyzing yourself and thinking that once you understand yourself you will do something.

Take action and learn as you do, rather than analyzing, trying to understand and then doing.

Interpersonal skills

Close the Feedback gap