Can we really always respond for career and entrepreneurial success?
A daily drama on our roads will help explain.
Imagine you are on your way to work. Can you just for a moment imagine responding with anger and attack to all the irrational and dangerous drivers? Picture the angry faces and hand signs being exchanged? You arrive at the office in a foul mood and that mood dictates your responses and contaminates the interactions you have with your colleagues, and by lunch time, you are all alone. You get home feeling like the people at work dislike and are avoiding of you.
We often fail at effective communication in everyday life when we respond to others within the context of negative events with the associated emotions and defences instead of dissociating and choosing effective means of interacting.
The story from my two sons illustrate the dissociation solution:
Andrew in (grade 1) came home complaining that Albert (in grade 7) and his friends were teasing him without stop!
Please think of a situation where someone got under your skin and dissociate using the same process as Andrew did.
I taught Andrew to put funny clothes, glasses and a funny hat with tingling bells on each of them in his mind’s eye. He then saw and heard them moving about in this funny outfit with funny sounds and imagined them speaking in funny ways, enhancing the image using the five sense of hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling and tasting. He breathed deeply and moved his fingers and toes to further relax and immersing himself in this intense enjoyable image in his minds eye.
He was already laughing about the situation.
We role played the scenario a few times and then he was let loose on his tormentors.
A few days later the older ones came home and complained that Andrew was laughing loudly when teased. They found this very disconcerting and somehow personal! The six year old were now dissociated and could easily laugh whenever he was teased.
The last step was for Andrew to up the ante and to take the game to a next level where he associated with the positive in the jokes and grew friendships lasting to this day!
I use the process all the time myself and in work team. We taught the process in all our companies as part of the new employee induction process.
When you associate or dissociate with people in a situation, remember that people intuitively use language based in their 5 senses. By being aware of the five senses and matching their sensory words with ones of your own e.g. I can see you are…/ I feel like you…/ What I hear you are saying is…, you can establish a deep level of trust and rapport through the communication of your understanding and the confirmation that what they are saying or feeling is being understood correctly.
Use these techniques responsibly – it’s powerful and so are you. So please be nice and act to expand your options.
We started off by asking:
Can you manoeuvre strategically to facilitate a desired outcome and thus expand your options for interactions in any circumstance?
The answer must be emphatically yes with the MASTERY of the right personal growth tools.
A useful starter exercise:
1) Write a few paragraphs about a recent pleasant experience (E.g. a holiday, party, film, day out etc.) When you’ve finished, go through it underlining words and phrases that have a sensory element (you can do the same with this NLP tip.)
2) Pay attention to the sensory words that people are using. Make notes of the sensory words you hear.
3) In a low-risk situation, listen to the words that others use then match their sensory system by using words from the same system (VAKOG).
To review, the five senses are visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, gustatory and olfactory (VAKOG.) Of these, V, A and K are the ones most often used. Examples of each include the following: http://www.saladltd.com/salad%20pages/Nlp%20tips/nlp_tip_6.htm
Simple implementations and much more information:
The five senses and enhancers as input and a choice how we process it:
Definitions and tools for the eager ones:
A start to the history behind the short story: